Know Thyself

Plato wrote that Socrates says people make themselves appear ridiculous when they are trying to know obscure things before they know themselves.  I feel very strongly that teens that "Know Themselves"  have a better chance of success in life.  We do a lot of "know thyself" tests around here.

One of the most important tests I had the kids do was: Strengths Quest - Strengths Based Test for Teens.  As many of my readers know, I love the Strengths Based Tests.  So do my kids.  It was fun to see similarities and differences between my two teens, my husband and me.  I think discovering this information has helped us all to be a little more tolerant and understanding, too.

For example, my teen son's highest strength is:  Positivity.  Now, anyone that knows my son would see that.  But combine that with Individualization, Woo, Communication and Activator, you have someone that can get people to get things done.  He's a ring leader in the most positive sense.  He has a future in Sales or Recruiting or Teaching.  And since he can read people well, he is very good at finding the right gift or book for someone.  He's my go-to guy for buying presents in the family.

My daughter, on the other hand, scored highest in Input, like her trivia-loving dad.  She has to research, collect and research some more.  No surprise here, but learning that she also has Maximizer, Intellection, Harmony and Responsibility, means she has a combination that means she's reliable, thorough and fair.  If we want to know the "right" thing to do in a situation, we ask her.  Unfortunately, those traits can set her up to not want to decide on things because she never has enough information (input), wants to give the RIGHT answer (Harmony and Responsibility) and the BEST answer (Maximizer and Intellection).  She's truly the fairest in the land, or at least at our house (and I mean that both ways).

I also spent the money to have them do the Strong Interest Inventory.  High school is a time to consider your strengths and interests to know what vocation you might pursue.  The results here, too, were extremely interesting because they took into consideration my children's interests in combination with their strengths. 

As we do high school, I want my kids to know themselves better than I knew myself at that age.  I had an abysmal high school counselor who just wanted girls to go to college.  However, no one ever took into consideration any of my strengths when counseling me.  I had good grades in Math, Science and English.  So, I was directed to go the Math/Science route.  Surprise, surprise, my highest scores on my SATs were English (or whatever they called it wayyyy back then.)  So, I enrolled in a predominantly male high technology program because I was assured that I would be guaranteed a job because I was a woman (no one ever spoke of my abilities).  And, then, I made sure that I did my best, got scholarships and good grades.  I don't regret what I did.  However, the program really didn't fit my strengths. 

Have you ever heard the adage "Do what you love and the money will follow?"  Once I changed direction in my career to better match my strengths, I did very well and looked forward to going to work EVERY.SINGLE.DAY.  That was not the case on my first chosen career path (Laser Engineering) but it was the case before I left the work world to stay at home with my children (Curriculum Development, Subject Matter Expert, Training Development and Delivery). 

So, given my kids don't have a high school counselor, not that mine really helped me, I wanted to give them things to think about and information about vocations that matched their strengths and interests.  I do not receive any kick back for this, but you can purchase the Strong Interest Inventory (now called iStartStrong) at www.homeschoolbuyersco-op.org for half price.  It's a good place to start and if you have a child that is unsure of their future interests, this might be a place to start.
The Homeschool Buyer Co-op is a free homeschooling organization for both new and veteran homeschoolers. Co-op membership is free and confidential, and entitles homeschooling families to GroupBuy discounts on high-quality curriculum. On the site you'll find lots of free information, such as databases of free curriculum, field trips, and educational contests and scholarships. Highly recommended. Click here for more information.

Why Boys Need Scouts and Other "Boy Only" Groups

This just in on boys...

"Boys also need to imagine themselves in heroic situations. When girls are asked about Vimy Ridge, they say, “Whew, it must have been horrific.” When boys are asked, they imagine what they would have done if they’d been there. “Our most powerful assembly is on Remembrance Day,” says Mr. Power. “Every boy is thinking to himself: How would I have measured up?”

Boys long to be part of something bigger than themselves. And the bigger and more challenging the task, the happier they are. “If you tell 10 boys you need volunteers to go downtown and work all night on a big, dirty, tough job, and you still expect them to show up at school the next day, they’ll all jump up and volunteer,” says Ms. Gauthier.

Boys love rituals, trophies and tradition. Those also make them feel part of something bigger than themselves.

But, in the modern world, boys are often treated as a problem. The dominant narrative around difficult boys – at least in the public school system – is that they’re unteachable, unreachable, disruptive and threatening. Many commentators – men as well as women – blame male culture itself for the problems with boys. In their view, what we need to do is destroy the death star of masculinity and all the evil that goes with it. What we need to do is put boys in touch with their emotions and teach them to behave more like girls."

This is one of the reasons boys need organizations like the Boy Scouts of America.  Where else do they get the opportunity to challenge their boyness?  I'm sure you can imagine how worried I was when my boy (then 12) and my husband slept outside in -12 degree weather.  They survived and he came back a different, better kid.  How about the Order of the Arrow ordeal?  I have not idea what it entails, but I'm sure it's tougher than roasting marshmallows over a campfire.  The Boy Scouts of America continue to give boys a chance to be a part of something bigger than themselves, enjoy rituals, trophies and traditions.  They also push the boys to step outside their comfort zone.  They also are constantly in service to others.

My Eagle Scout husband continues to amaze me in that he still does "a good turn daily".  Last night at dinner time, he thought he'd dash out quickly to put our garbage to the curb for pickup today.  A truck pulled up in front of our house on our cul de sac street.  An older gentleman, probably in his eighties, was lost and disoriented and asked for help.  My husband skipped dinner and led the man to his destination (in his own car).  He's my hero and that is what Scouts does to a boy.  He makes a man that is willing to skip his dinner and help someone in need.

The Boy Scouts are under fire, as usual.  But here's what I think is beautiful.  Outside normal society (the messed up one that includes many schools that are failing our boys), there are still men that feel this is important.  Eddie, who is 83 this year, realized that is true.  While his boys were in Scouts in the 60's, he realized that what the Boy Scouts offered to boys is something important and he stuck with it for 50 years.  My husband is drawn to it, too, because he sees the war on boys.  Luckily, because of homeschooling, my son is not affected (as much) as his schooled peers.  I say as much, because I had no brothers and this whole "boy" business is so foreign to me.  Thank you, God, for making us different!  However, what has happened?  Why is it that we now cater to women and not men.

Go read the article and go find a way to challenge your boy.  He'll thank you for it.  Society (and his future wife) will, too.

Intellectual Friendships (Part 3 of 4)

For our husbands...

In the everyday course of intellectual friendship, friends share with each other their moments of insight, present them to each other for testing. Such moments in turn require us to reconsider not just that discrete matter, but everything else in our view of the whole that touches upon the matter....As Socrates knew twenty-five centuries ago, the normal mean for penetrating further and synthesizing our knowledge is dialogue. Intellectual friendship consists in a great ocean of dialogue and discussion and those who have tasted it know it is among the highest human pleasures. - Mark C. Henri

As home schooling families go, I think we are pretty normal. Mom (the teacher) plans and executes most of the school activities with Dad (the principle) giving his approval to the plan and execution. The kids enjoy (or perhaps not) the fruits of the above agreement. Usually (not always) this is the arrangement. I have a few friends where the Dad is the primary teacher. I also have friends where one or more of the children attend school outside the home.

As part of this arrangement, Mom belongs to a support group of some type to help further develop herself and get some support on this journey. The kids may belong to a co-op, attend book clubs or other home school activities with an educational emphasis.

Who is left out of this equation? Dad. Well, perhaps Dad works outside the house. Is it fair to say he will find someone at work with whom he can discuss the books he just read about by G. K. Chesterton or Rod Dreher? Perhaps he wants to discuss religion or politics? In the current economic situation where jobs hang precariously on the brink of being outsourced, it seems that our men have to hang their conservative hats at the door and be "politically correct" at work or risk being disciplined for harassment or discrimination.

So where's the dad to go? I hope the church or political party of choice provides some outlet, but that is not always the case. I think the home school dad feels a pull and uneven responsibility compared to dads of kids that are schooled. Maybe I am wrong. I think the Dad feels obligated to get Mom out of the house because she's been there all day long with the kids and she deserves a break. Dads deserve one, too, because besides working all day, dealing with the demands of providing for a large family (at least in our case) as well as trying to maintain or advance their careers takes a toll. Then, once they are home they feel the pull to be Dad and Husband. They, too, need time to read, silently reflect, pray and discuss things intellectually with other men.

They deserve time to foster and develop intellectual relationships. However, my husband has found that difficult. Most dads are in the same spot as my husband. I think. Work (Employee/Manager/insert-work title-here). Home (Dad and Husband). Repeat 4 more times. Home (Dad and Husband). Church (Dad and Husband, still) and Home(Dad and Husband). Perhaps things will improve as our children age. One of the few hobbies my husband has is watching "guy movies" in the "man cave." He invites other dads over to watch. He would like to discuss them, but the other men are Dads and Husbands that feel obligated to get back home to their families rather than stay and discuss the movie.

So, what does the man of your family do for intellectual friendships? I'm all ears. I would like to see what others have done to satisfy this important need.

Intellectual Friendships (Part 2 of 4)

for our Children

Children need more than just play friends, especially as they move into the tween/teen years. I hope my kids build intellectual friendships. It starts very basic for kids, though. My book clubs were designed with that purpose in mind. I wanted my kids to be able to have intellectual conversations with other kids about great books or other topics important to us, like Catholicism.

All to often, we want our kids to "go play" and they view their time studying and schooling as "work". I think that is because our misconception about learning. Kids have a natural Love of Learning that we spoil.

One of the ways we do that is to tell our little kids that want to help us with our "work" to go play. So, is it any surprise that when we want them to "work", they would rather play? Ask a two or three year old if cleaning the tub is fun and they will say yes. They also like to wash dishes. I did things any differently with my older kids. I could just get things faster and better. They have a lower interest in helping to clean. My little kids, however still want to wash, scrub, dust, vacuum and sweep. For this I am thankful.

As I stated in part one of this topic I came upon this while reading a lovely little book. In the book, Mark Henrie goes even further into some of the problems with teens/young adults (dare I say almost everyone) in America in A Student's Guide to the Core Curriculum.

...we (Americans) tend to understand leisure as the absence of work. The ancients, however, understood work as the absence of leisure. Leisure (otium, in Latin) was the substantial thing. and work the negation or absence of that (negotium). The ancients understood that human beings were made to enjoy their leisure seriously: the serious use of leisure is the cultivation of the mind, which is pleasant and good for its own sake. Americans, however, approach university studies as "work," as negotium, from which, once the work is done, they are "freed." Free time, such as time spent with friends, is thus kept clean of any trace of the learning of the classroom. This is no way to learn. It isn't even any real way to enjoy yourself.Our society is hung up on entertainment, not leisure. We look at education as "work" not "leisure."

The truly well educated use their free time to learn, not to be entertained. Or, perhaps you could say that the educated are entertained by learning. What do you do with your free time? Do you passively seek entertainment or do you seek to gain better understanding? Passive or Active?

The Ancient emperors used different forms of entertainment to pacify the urban masses, including chariot races, theatrical and musical performances, wild-beast hunts, mock sea battles, public executions, and gladiatorial combat. In the Colosseum, Rome's huge amphitheater, 50,000 Romans could watch the games. Look at our society now. TV and sports arenas are the Colosseums. The Internet, movie theaters, our TVs at home are the theatres. They serve to pacify (make us peaceful*) and we are passive (to suffer**) through it.

Education is an activity ( from L. actus "a doing" and actum "a thing done,") where entertainment is a passive event ( "to keep up, maintain,"). I'm not saying all entertainment is bad and I will tell you that I will used media in my education and that of my children. They do find it entertaining.

So, my goal is to help my tweeners to find intellectual friendships, not necessarily passing friendships where free time is frittered away in front of a TV or video game. This is a bigger challenge for my son than my daughter. I think boys are just drawn more to screen time. There are lots of studies to support my desire to limit the amount of time my boys, in particular, waste in front of a screen. One book, The Minds of Boys, states studies done using MRI technology while boys engaged in activities like reading, watching TV and playing computer games. Certain neural pathways were not engaged during activities that involved a screen. Our priest talks about how boys need to have real social relationships, not virtual relationships, like those found on Facebook or MySpace. I want them outside playing or discussing something while building Legos.

Perhaps if you are struggling with this, you can do what we have done by starting a book club or finding a Boy Scout organization or American Heritage Girls group. Both organizations help build character in children and they develop life long friendships. Perhaps an even more important aspect is having a mentor, someone other than a parent, that will guide them to the right books and activities, to develop them into a whole civilized person.

I challenge you to think about your kids' free time (and yours) and how you both use it.

* Pacify is from L. pacificus "peaceful, peace-making," from pax (gen. pacis) "peace"
** Passive is from L. passivus "capable of feeling or suffering," from pass-, pp. stem of pati "to suffer"

TJEd from Interesting Places

When my husband and I decided that the principles of TJEd were the right ones for our family, it was ALL new to me. My "conveyor belt mentality" was so ingrained in my whole being, I felt I needed to do everything I could to train it out of me. So, I read all I could about TJEd.

One of the things I liked best about TJEd was the concept that what a student learns is not dependent on the teacher, but on the student. What a freeing revelation that was for me as a home educator. I need to gently guide them and inspire them to learn.

Today, I read something written in 1945 by Angelo Patri. He was the author of The Children's Institute: Graded Courses of Study (Correlated to The Book of Knowledge) that inspired ME to write this blog post. We got this gem of a collection thanks to Christmas monies received last year from our collective families. (We also bought the set of Chronicles of America.) This set of children's encyclopedias was recommended by the A2 curriculum I use along with other materials.

I grabbed this little book that came along with the encyclopedia set today because this year, so far, has been all about the 4 R's. It's time to take what they are learning with the 4R's and apply it to critical thinking exercises. So far this year MUCH of our Science and History have been gleaned through reading alone. Now, I want to have them apply their reading and writing skills toward a better end: the study of other subjects. I set upon this goal by seeking out the two little gifts that unexpectedly came with the encyclopedia set.

The Children's Institute: Graded Courses of Study (Correlated to The Book of Knowledge) includes outlines, questions linking subject matter to incidents of everyday life, and achievement testing using The Book of Knowledge as their source of information. I started by reading the introduction, addressed separately to the student, parent and teacher. This introduction by Patri aptly outlines the 7 Keys to Education that Oliver DeMille explained in the first book I read about TJED, A Thomas Jefferson Education.

It was the section address to teachers that really caught my attention. I'll teach each exert and apply it to TJEd.

...We know that we can help a child, according to his power, to find his talents and increase them. We can set his tastes. We can teach him where to look for information and help him to form the habit of looking for it and using it rightly. We can give the child a certain attitude toward life that will bring success and happiness. Beyond that we do little. From there on each child must help himself.

My kids know it is their job to do their work and learn. I can lead them down a path, but I can not make them learn something. I need work on inspiring them, though...

The teacher strives to help his pupil gain knowledge and make the right use of it independently; to make the unknowing child conscious of his plan and purpose in coming to school; to make him his own teacher. Once the child gets the idea the teachers' burden is lifted and his task becomes a joy. The unwilling child becomes the eager searching child whom it is a delight to serve....Education lies in personal experiences, personal responsibility to work and conduct.

Also, I am not a fan of traditional textbooks. We do use Faith and Life for our Religion. My kids read McGuffey as part of their daily reading, and we have used Math textbooks but we don't use textbooks in the traditional sense. Much of my kids' religion comes from reading real books like St. Patrick's Summer or The Life of Our Lord for Children by Marigold Hunt or stories of great Catholic Saints. We mostly read classics. Patri says:

...The textbooks are, of necessity, meager. Their content is limited by the size of the book and the time allowed to study. The teacher's energy is limited also. Nothing so depletes one's vital forces as a teaching day. ..

One thing I wish to impart, more than anything, is the ability to FIND information. I want them to know how to look things up in paper form and in electronic form. I want them to be able to think critically enough to determine what material imparts good, valid, real information. Much of what is on the Internet today seems to come from "so-called" experts. You must be as critical of your sources as you are of your information:

...This is the day of specialized knowledge, the day of speed and accuracy. No time is allowed for ignorance or blundering, no excuse is granted the worker who in not equipped for his task...It is for this emergency that THE BOOK OF KNOWLEDGE is offered. Teach your pupil its use and you have opened wide the door to an enriched self-education. Teach him the right use of this set of books and you have given him the means to serve his highest educational ambitions...

And, one thing I find more important than anything as a home educator and parent is teaching your child not what to learn, but how to learn. My kids are actively involved in deciding what they learn. I ask their opinion on what books they would like to read, along with trying to inspire them to try new things. I also need to teach them the discipline to learn and follow through on things they start, even if they are hard.

...Things turn about a little. Take the child into confidence about his education. Show him the course of study as it is set down and explain that it is the fund of knowledge that every school child of his age and power can master. Show him how to follow it through step by step and how to enrich it by the related reading. Teach him how to test his knowledge. Allow him to put his creative instinct on a job and you have given him the best of gifts, the power of self-help.

At the end of this mission, Iwant my kids to see me not as their teacher, but their mentor. I hope to have the humility to realize I can't teach them everything, the courage to let others mentor them when I can't and the sense to let them find their own wings. I haven't finished my education yet. I expect that will take my entire life.

...If you can take this attitude toward teaching you will find your function has shifted from that of task-master to that of the leader and guide. You will find yourself acting as an inspirational force rather than as the dull, compelling dictator. You will discover that there is much of the adventure in search of knowledge still open to you and you will go forward with your pupils.

This clinches it for me.

...He who opens to the questioning mind of a child the knowledge that increases his powers and stimulates his created instinct blazes a trail for a new, a nobler race.

My hope is to raise statesmen.

He's done it and I'm so proud...

My dear husband has done it! Tonight is the last night of his MBA classes and I'm so very proud of him.

He started this endeavor in February of 2006. Our fourth child was 7 months old and our oldest was, at the time, only 7. In April of 2006, his job was eliminated at Best Buy and he spent the next 6 months working tirelessly to find a job AND still work on his MBA. He was back to work in November of 2006, but not in an ideal situation, so he was continually looking to improve his situation and kept pursuing other opportunities while still working on his MBA. In March of 2007, our 4th child had surgery and our 5th child was born and with him came some difficulties. The next month, my mom was diagnosed with a terminal illness that took me away from the family quite a bit. Still, he endured. He hung in there until September of 2007 when she finally got better, praise God. But, until that time he worked full time, came home and helped take care of the house and kids and a very sad wife AND worked on his MBA. He allowed me to take on things that he knew were important to me, like running our homeschool co-op for two years and pursuing this crazy thing called TJEd. He counseled me when difficult situations arose. And, he kept on being a Cub Scout leader for my oldest son's den. Life kept happening. He kept enduring.

He is an amazing man. He does not give up and he has patience. He has to in order to be (and stay) married to me ( a will-of-a-wisp). He endures. And most importantly, he succeeds. I am just so proud.

God bless you, my loving husband. I know that all this hard work WILL pay off and we will see the fruits (although I think we have seen many along the way). Thank you for all your hard work.